You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
