2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
