i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
