My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
