Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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