Please, let me fuck your mom
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
