Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
