yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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