I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
