who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
