I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I met the friendliest cop last night
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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