Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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