I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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