i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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