I didn't shave. On purpose
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
