so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
