Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
