Who did Billy Mays play for?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can feel your judgement through the phone
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
