I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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