I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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