I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
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Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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