I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
