Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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