If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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