My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
