the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
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I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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