I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
