I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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