He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
