oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
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I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
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She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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