So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
