Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i barfeds in our rink
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
