I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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