A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
