my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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