I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
