You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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