It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
