I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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