my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
