I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
