he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
