and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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