Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
