Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
