So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
