we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
