I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
try to milk me bitch
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
