Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
