you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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