I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
