Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
