my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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