So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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