he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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