Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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