I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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