Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
