Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
