dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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