I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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