I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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