Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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