The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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