His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
