I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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