Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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