I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
