The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
