Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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