oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
