A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
