Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
