you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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