Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
