So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
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And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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