i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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