You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
